He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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