So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
