I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
