i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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