I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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