Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was born a porn star she said
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Four minutes until I can fart!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
