I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
