Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
