There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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