So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
