you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My feet surprised me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
