if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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