im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
