is wine microwaveable?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
