burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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