I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
