Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
