your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
