Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize