Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
