he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
