i think my mom watched the whole time
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
