Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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