Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
