I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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