did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All the doctor said was why
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
