i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
