too bad you live with your parents still
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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