Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
