Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
