im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize