Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
