Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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