Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you're hired as official boob wrangler
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
