We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Shame - the story of my life.
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