Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
