Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
