Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize