I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
