you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
