Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All the doctor said was why
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
