Just fell off a train. Bad.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he high fived his dick after we had sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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