Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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