Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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