he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
