my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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