omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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