they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
