so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found the puke drawer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
