508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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