Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Houston, we have a blender
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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