i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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