Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
