Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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