you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
