im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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