Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
