I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
