I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
