She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
