After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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