i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
