so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
