Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
