just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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