My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
