I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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