a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
